What I miss

It's amazing what I miss the most about being single. I miss kissing. I miss it more than sleeping beside someone else. I miss it more than sex! I didn't realize how much I would miss it. I miss the light kisses goodbye, hello and for no reason other than you want your lips lightly brushing against the one you love. I miss the harder bruising kisses that always lead to something more. I miss the kisses that move from your mouth and feather down your neck to your collarbone and...well you get the idea.

Where does the time go?

Has is really been five months? I just took an online quiz that says I am a romanticist. I believe in enjoying the simple things in life. If life were simple, chapter 4 would have been written five months ago! :-) Hmmm.... maybe I am confusing simple with easy. Yes, that must be it. I've written that chapter at least half a dozen times and I'm still not happy with it. Fortunately, I have come to realize why. I'm writing two chapters at the same time. I did not realize it until now. I have to break down the events and decide which ones will go into each chapter. This is easier said than done, but I am determined to let this story take me wherever it wants to go.

I have another dilemma. This is a personal one. I have the opportunity to reach out to someone from my past, but fear is keeping me from doing it. Part of me is wondering if I even have the right to try to establish contact with him or if I should just let it go. Been pondering this for about three weeks with no solution presenting itself yet.

Fear is what keeps so many of us alone. The sad thing is that we realize what I'm doing and haven't tried to change because, ironically, its fear of change that is my problem to begin with! I realized this about two years ago and here I am in the same boat. I don't know what to say except that I do not handle change well. I don't rage and get violent, but I do withdraw. I crawl deep into my personal place of safety and I stay put until the coast is clear and everything goes back to what it was like before or at least as close to it as possible.

I wonder what this makes me. Wimpy? Foolish? Honest? I just wish I had answers.

Stuck

I have been working on chapter four now for two months. It's funny how I was able to write two chapters in a week and now it is coming slower and slower. I've taken a friend's advice and write something everyday no matter how crappy it is. He told me once you start writing, the danger starts and you find that the worst thing happens: YOU STOP WRITING! I've been reading a lot and revisiting some of my favorite authors and books. I've been paying attention to the little things that made me fall in love with a particular book or character or author. I'm hoping to find my voice in all of this. I know I have lots of things I want to say but am missing the confidence. Wow! I think I just gave myself an idea...

Writer's Block

I finally finished Chapter 3. I wrote it five times and am almost completely happy with it. Thanks for all who have given me feedback on Literotica. I'm trying not to map out the entire story. I don't know how authors can write 5 set volumes then say "Oh, I had the entire story mapped out in my head 10 years ago!" Can't stand those writers. I like waking up in the morning and going to sleep at night not knowing what is going to happen next to my characters. It's the agony and the ecstasy and I love it! Masochist? What can I say? TTFN